There’s no shortage of introvert myths.
Being an introvert myself, I don’t mind it at all. I enjoy being introverted and I’ve never really understood all the fuss about being an extrovert. if nothing else, isn’t it great that we’re different?
Still, there are plenty of misconceptions about what it means to be an introvert.
Therefore, I was glad to find the book The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D. And from there I found Carl Kingdom, who based on Laney’s book has compiled a list of ten widely spread myths about introverts.
It’s so good that I will repost large chunks of the post, but make sure to check out the original here.
Here are excerpts describing these introvert myths:
Common introvert myths
Myth 1: Introverts don’t like to talk
“This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.”
I like to talk and I often lead meetings and workshops. I often get up on stage to talk in front of hundreds of people at the time. I don’t mind standing up in a room full of strangers to make my case. However, if I have nothing of substance to add, I say nothing.
This is especially true if I want the social situation to be over already.
Myth 2: Introverts are shy
“Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.”
This, in my opinion, is the worst introvert myth. I love to give advice, but I also know that unsolicited advice is a waste of breath. And if there’s no interest in what I might have to say, that’s fine, too. I’m not easily offended and I don’t mind being quiet.
Myth 3: Introverts are rude
“Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.”
Well, I’ve learned to fake social pleasantries. It’s exhausting, yes, but making the situation uncomfortable for others might prolong the social interaction. I don’t consider myself rude, but I don’t want to be perceived as rude, either.
Myth 4: Introverts don’t like people
“On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.”
So, I never expect anyone to be awesome at everything. I don’t expect to like every facet of someone’s personality — and I don’t expect anyone to like every facet of mine. I’d like to think that I’m pragmatic.
Myth 5: Introverts don’t like to go out in public
“Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.”
The more people in a public setting, the less complex I prefer the interaction to be. This is why I dislike concerts; enjoying music, to me, is a complex experience and therefore best done alone.
Myth 6: Introverts always want to be alone
“Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.”
My thinking goes like this: Since I’m deeply interested in people, especially when it comes to psychologies and behaviours, why wouldn’t I prefer to connect with one person at the time? I don’t really see the magic in spreading my attention too thin.
Myth 7: Introverts are weird
“Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.”
I don’t think that I’m an individualist by choice. I think first — and then I compare. And quite often this thinking turns out to be somewhat different from the norm. Once this process has taken place, I can’t really change my mind just to conform with existing majorities who have reached different conclusions.
Myth 8: Introverts are aloof nerds
“Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.”
I often find certain activities that sparks my interest and when this happens, I like to dive deeper into them. I can appreciate that other people prefer to breeze through many types of activities instead; there’s benefits to that, too.
Myth 9: Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun
“Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.”
It’s often hard for my friends to understand that I can be alone and have tons of fun inside my head for hours on end. I understand that it might look isolated from the outset, but that’s only how it comes across.
Myth 10: Introverts can fix themselves and become extroverts
“A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.”
Sure, I can fake being extroverted. I often do this. As long as I get to recharge, I don’t see this is as a major problem. We must all adapt to our surroundings — that’s an evolutionary prerequisite. But natural variation is an evolutionary strength, too.