A fucket list is the opposite of a bucket list.

It’s the things you don’t want to do before you die1. The rules are simple:

  • It must be something you don’t want to do, ever.
  • It must be something that seems to be a “thing” to other people.
  • It’s okay to be slightly passive-aggressive (that’s my rule).

Here goes:

Jump out of a fully functional airplane.

Because I don’t suffer from dopamine deficiency. As an introvert, I prefer to throw myself into the abyss of literature.

Buy expensive stuff for social status.

Stuff just wear you down and up owning you instead. I think that one should maximise skills and knowledge instead of stuff.

“Fit in.”

People who work hard to fit in rubs me the wrong way. I prefer to walk the road less traveled and not care what anyone thinks about it.

Run a marathon.

There must be healthier ways to get likes on Facebook. Plus, I hear that it’s not that healthy as far as physical exercise goes.

Climb a mountain.

I can’t imagine what type of business I would have up there. I love landscape photography, but if it requires climbing gear, I’m out.

Try auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Sex is just good as it is, but a few experiments here and there is reasonable. But brains need oxygen, right? 

Geocaching.

I’m geeky, but not that geeky. I did play Pokemon for a short stint; that should be enough of running around for no reason.

Join the Mile High Club.

This just in: It’s not sexy to have intercourse where strangers defecate.

Go backpacking across Europe.

I like fancy hotels and I prefer to travel light. I never saw the romantic appeal of traversing across countries with no apparent agenda.

Bungee jumping.

“I get my kicks from reading books,” said the introvert. I’m sure it’s thrilling and comes with a sense of accomplishment, but there are other, more productive, ways to get out of your comfort zone.

Ask for a celebrity autograph.

I honestly wouldn’t know what to actually do with the autograph. I can appreciate another person’s work without having like !a lock of their hair” or something like that.

Respect religious beliefs.

Because, you know, science. We shouldn’t have to tolerate the utter insanity. People can believe whatever they want, but they can’t preach it without being questioned.

Swim with sharks.

They keep out of my living room, so it makes sense for me to stay out of theirs. 

See a psychic for any type of answers.

If I did, I’d be better off seeing a psychiatrist. I have little or no tolerance for tomfoolery.

Be a toastmaster.

Let’s just say that it’s not my thing. I’m an okay public speaker and I have no problem getting up in front of an audience (I do it all the time ), but there’s something about ceremonial duties that just rubs me the wrong way.

Play golf.

My temper could never handle it. I’m not proud of it, but I would literally wreak havoc on expensive equipment all the time. I’m calm as a cucumber in life, but I’m a hothead when it comes to sports.

Run for a political office.

There’s something about political discourse that would be difficult for me to handle. I’m more of an introvert provocateur with a slight elitist streak — not the greatest combination for public office. I’d love to run someone’s campaign, though.

Get easily offended.

I don’t want to belong to that group of people who gets offended on behalf of others. I prefer a society where we talk about things that aren’t always comfortable and if you want to play that game, you must be prepared to take it yourself.

Learn about wine.

I don’t want to belong to this group, either. I admit that I find most wine aficionados to a bit pretentious, even though I know that to be a generalisation. Still, I don’t drink alcohol anyway.

Join a cult.

I’m just not a very good follower. And I’m a die-hard atheist. And the only organisation where it makes sense to follow orders without questioning them is the military,

Visit a circus.

Just, no. Animals shouldn’t be living like that and be made to perform. I’m equally saddened by certain parts of the meat industry who are raising livestock in the most gruesome of ways.

Keep up with the Kardashians.

The Kardashian family is a media phenomenon and media phenomenons should interest me, but I just can’t bring myself to work up an interest.

What would you never try? Let me know in the comments.

What’s on your fucket list?

Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash.

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  1. According to Urban Dictionary, it could also be spelled fuckit list and sometimes it refers to a list of people to have sexual intercourse with before you die. This is not such a list.